Stay at Home Moms have it "easy." Didn't you know?

As a stay at home mom to two little girls, I frequently get asked, "What do you do all day?" and "Don't you love staying home with your babies?" But, my favorite thing that I hear from people is "You have it so easy being home with you kids" lets process that for a minute....lets bask in it for a little bit. I must have it SO EASY being home with my kids. Yes Karen, I've got it so easy being home with two peeing, crying, pooping, whining, angry little midgets that both scream at me when their butts need to be wiped.

Don't get me wrong I absolutely LOVE my kids...I mean I would die without their smiling faces, giggles every day and even though I'm struggling with the terrible two's right now, i wouldn't trade it for anything in this world. But there is absolutely nothing "easy" about staying home with my kids. Between the tantrums, my youngest refusing to stop crying or take naps, all the housework, the constant cooking (breakfast, lunch, AND dinner...sometimes snacks), making time to go to the park or at least finding some way to mentally stimulate my youngest since its getting cold out so, some days the park just isn't an option, and the staying up late just so I can attempt to collect my home, my sanity, and regain a tiny bit of normalcy. But see, all of these things are to be expected right? These are things that as a mother I'm EXPECTED to do and I'm suppose to do them without complaint because I'm the mom.

But what people don't see is, the play date I had to cancel because my only other mom friend and I were in a time window and my youngest threw a tantrum because she didn't want to wear her shirt and my oldest misplaced her shoes...so even if we were to find them, by the time we did it would be pointless to drive all that way for 20 minutes of time together before she had to leave to pick up her son from the bus stop. Or the fact that it has been three months since I have seen my best friend and she lives literally an hour away. Literally momming is so hard and chaotic that I haven't seen my dose of sanity in three months. There have been no play dates or coffee catch ups in three months. I've literally had no visits from anyone since my youngest was born two and a half years ago and I am completely without adult company from the time I get up  (7am-ish) until 11pm when my husband gets home. So, 16 hours without even speaking a word to another adult. (unless I get lucky and my mom has the day off and can spare a 15 minute phone call)....and the last time I was able to make a hot meal? who the heck knows. Also, do people know how often I DON'T see my husband, and how most of the time I feel like a single mom?

When I go grocery shopping I try my hardest to actually look good. I do my hair and makeup to the best of my abilities and with the time constraint that I have between toddler tantrums and meltdowns and I honestly only remember deodorant half the time (so if you run into me in public be warned). But, amongst all this I do get compliments from people sometimes when I run into them since I've lost some weight, which is nice.  But, what people can't see is that its been 2 days since I've been able to shower (so that's why I'll be leaving here today with five containers of dry shampoo). They also don't know that I've been trying to take mini naps on the couch attempting to gain back some sort of sanity, and that I get up in the middle of the night two or three times because my oldest has nightmares. I COULD put her in my bed with me but then i get claustrophobic and then I'm up all night tossing and turning. So, if i want even 2 hours of constant sleep I put her back in her own bed after sitting with her for thirty minutes reassuring her it was only a dream, just for her to come back 2 hours later with another one, followed by another 30 minutes of consoling. I'm TIRED guys.

Anyone want to take a guess on how much time I get to myself or the amount of time I get to do something I want to do? anyone? that's because the answer is none and never. I went out last week to get my hair trimmed and I was so excited to get some time to myself where my husband took the kids and I could get out for a bit. I got there, they immediately got me in and was in the chair for literally no longer than 5 minutes. I guess that's my fault for only needing a trim and not being too picky but, SERIOUSLY?!? I thought id be gone for at least an hour. So, with nothing to do and being in a town that Is super bland and boring, I had no choice but to go home. It just seems like everyone gets their own time to themselves. The kids have each other, and they have school, activities and toys and my husband comes home and gets on his Xbox and plays his games (which he loves) and it helps him wind down after a long day, but me? I have nothing and no one.

Its honestly just really sad and I know I'm not the only mom or person to feel this way, it just stinks when you start to envy your husband and even your six year old for just getting time to "escape." Now, trust me I know working isn't all lollipops and rainbows, I've been there and hated it. But, my husband...he gets to leave the house, take a bath in peace and have literally 95% of his meals cooked for him. He gets to go out to work; where he'll eat breakfast in peace, maybe grab a coffee and actually be able to drink it before it gets cold, a lunch break to talk about whatever or just surf the internet for lord knows what and he even gets a commute to work where he'll listen to music or maybe even just sit in silence with no interruptions. He gets to choose whether he gets to interact with people. He has people to moan, groan, complain to and people to be happy and share stories with. Me? I don't get any of that. I have a total of one mom friend who I only occasionally talk to and if I do its through text. (which is good, but nothing compares to actual face to face communication). My husband also works 10 hours a day, sometimes more and me? I work nonstop....day...night. twenty four seven, no breaks, no holidays.... While he gets to finish work and enjoy his time "off", I simply have to keep going and often repeat the same day over and over again. I don't get a lunch break, i don't get to "go home" after a long day, i feed kids 6 times a day, bath time, laundry time, diaper changes, trying to potty train, school drop off, school pick up, vacuuming, moping, dusting, more laundry, more dishes, more cleaning, taking care of the animals, tending to every cry and tantrum, making snacks, ABC's, counting...the list never ends. 

Being a mom is not only hard, its often times awful! The loneliness, the boredom, the repetitive days, weeks, and months that just kind of mesh into one giant ball of chaos and even though I chose this life, I often don't get a LIFE at all.

To everyone else I may look like we (as moms) have our crap together, we look good, we're doing an amazing job, but honestly...it probably isn't as it seems and we're probably in desperate need of a friend or just someone to talk to. So, to all the moms who "have it easy" out there -- you freaking ROCK!! We've got this, it's just tough at times. Also, lets meet up for coffee and a sanity check, we both need it. 

Xx,
Autumn