What It's Like Raising a Child with a Speech Delay....
People are MEAN:
Literally. In a world where social media is so readily available it's both awesome and not so much awesome. It's great that we can just get on the internet and talk to people who we hope to relate to whether that's "support groups" or just a group of moms who claim to relate. It's great to have the option of having a group of people to talk to at your own convenience and never having to leave your house, getting kids ready, let alone yourself. But a few weeks ago i literally witnessed a group of lets say ...five women (i can't remember the exact number) break off and create a separate group chat in text message, leaving the fifth woman out. The fifth woman had a child with a speech delay and these four other women literally made this whole group chat ABOUT this woman's child and saying the baby was ugly, and the reason this toddler has a speech delay was because it was "traumatized" from seeing this woman's boobs from breastfeeding, amongst other HORRIBLE things i will not repeat. This toddlers mom confided in these women about her child's speech delay because she thought they were all friends and moms who understood, meanwhile they talked garbage behind her back and they were fake supporting her in the original group chat. Thankfully one of the women in the "crap" chat screeenshot these messages and sent them to the toddlers mom because that woman didn't want to be a part of that and knew this little girls mom didn't deserve that kind of treatment whether she knew about it or not, so kudos to that other mom. I'm still in awe of these so called "women" and mothers...all of these women have children and here they are mocking and making fun of a mother and her child over something neither one of them can control. I'm still so disturbed by it. It's just disgusting. You can trust no one and even "support groups" or your "friends" talk garbage about you. People don't like differences or "weakness" and it's horrible that these other kiddos are being raised by garage humans like that. Fear of mockery i feel like is a main reason why people don't talk about their children's differences or delays, and these "women" proved all our points.
If you're a homebody, appointments are a pain:
We have a speech appointment once a week for my little girl. They last about an hour, they're beneficial, she has started talking a little more, and she loves the therapist. But, I literally haaaate people coming into my house. Every week i feel like i have to deep clean or she's going to judge me, and it just feels SO intrusive. I'm just one of those people who doesn't like "strangers" in their house, i can't help it.
Everything warrants a tantrum because you don't know what they want:
When i say "everything" I quiet literally mean EVERYTHING. Yesterday she threw a fit for over forty-five minutes and I couldn't figure out why for the life of me. Typically when my oldest was her age, when she'd throw fits like that, she got in trouble for throwing one that out of control, but she CAN'T COMMUNICATE! We've been working on the basic sign language signs like; all done, hungry, drink, food, and thirsty and they seem to help. But, if it's something that isn't a "sign word" shes lost. She's really good at making word associations with things like "up" when she wants to be picked up or held, "help" if she needs help with something and "more" if she needs more food or milk, but any other verbal word she needs to be coaxed on and taught it. If we say it, she can repeat it (in her own way) but currently she does a lot or grunts and pointing so if she's pointing to a corner with a million things in it, i just have to guess for 30 minutes until i pick the right thing where she can then say "yes" if I'm correct. It's progress, but currently it's also frustrating because she's an "i want it and want it now" kind of kid so a lot of crying ensues on her part and she gets incredibly worked up and I can't calm her down until i find the "correct" thing or item she wants. She also uses a lot of the words she does know out of context, example, this morning after dropping her sister off at school, we were heading home she kept yelling "more" in the backseat. She didn't have anything she could have had "more" of in the backseat. No food, no drinks, nothing....but she wanted SOMETHING so she used a word she did know that usually produces results when she used them. Unfortunately for her, this time didn't produce any results because I never figured out what she wanted. Then there's yesterday with this fit she threw, her and her sister were helping me make Halloween cookies, when they were baking i ushered everyone out of the kitchen and put the baby gate up. Fit ensued. I thought she was mad I made her get out of the kitchen and she wanted to watch the cookies bake but our kitchen is small and i needed to start dinner so she couldn't be in there. I tried explaining to her that she needed to get out because mommy had to make dinner and she could come in there in a little bit and watch the cookies bake. (like i thought she wanted) She kept repeating "please" over and over (another word she knows) meanwhile my heart is breaking. I kept telling her to wait a minute but the tantrum got worse. "Please...please...momma, momma....please," now she's in hysterics. She's now too upset to communicate or form a thought because MOMMY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT SHE WANTS and she cant communicate because she's upset, cant form a thought, and doesn't know the words to tell me what she wants. For forty-five minutes i tried to talk to her and try to figure it out. By now the cookies are done, she's still screaming, but at least dinner is in the oven now. So, i sit down on the couch, pull her onto my lap, grab her little hands, and say "calm down and listen to mommy okay?" to which she responds with "tay" (probably a repeat of me saying the word "okay") I said "why are you crying so hard? What's wrong?" Where she looked at me straight in the face and said "wah tootie." This whole time she thought she was immediately going to get a cookie, got worked up when I sat the cooked cookies on a cooling rack, and then put more in the oven without giving her any. She just got soooo worked up because i didn't ask the right questions to begin with, then in turn she got aaaaall worked up and then didn't know how to communicate through her hysterics. It was only after i sat her down, calmed her down, and asked the right questions that she could give me an answer. Yesterday was actually the first time she's EVER formed a small sentence and told me what she wanted so imagine how these tantrums usually go with literally ZERO effective communication on her part...i asked her what was wrong fully intending on NOT getting an answer from her and just getting more unhelpful pointing, but she thankfully surprised me yesterday. It was definitely a rough one.
You genuinely feel like a failure sometimes:
I'm obviously not a perfect mom, but i try to be as perfect as possible for my kids. I "try" to buy as many educational toys as possible, try not to baby talk (though that's hard haha), and I just try my best. So, when your kid has a speech delay, your first reaction as a mom (especially after you've had a seemingly "perfect" first child) is "What have i done wrong? Was i too distracted parenting another kid as well that she got more neglected? Did i not give her enough attention?" As a mom, your first reaction is to blame yourself I feel. But, it's not our fault, it's just how she is, I mean she was a late walker too (17 months). Plus, her daddy was in speech therapy until he was five because all he did was grunt when asked what he wanted or he needed something haha I think because she's so much like her daddy, even in looks, she'll probably be just like him and this is just a start.
What I'm trying to get at is, it's NOT your fault, it's overwhelming, it's frustrating, it's annoying and it's hard as "H.E.Double Toothpicks" to raise a child with a speech delay. Nine times out of ten you have NO idea what you're doing, what's going on, or how to help..i get it and you're not alone. So, if you or someone else has a child with a speech delay, you've got this and they'll get it soon. "This too shall pass momma."
xx,
Autumn
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